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Experiences decisions-decisions-fi

Published on December 4th, 2013 | by Steve Driver


Decisions, Decisions – Loving Multiples

As a father of multiples, I am often asked, “Do you love one more than the other?” My first instinct is to respond with, “No, I love them both equally.” However, that’s not entirely true.

Every parent who has more than one child has a favorite. It’s the cold, hard truth. I’ve yet to meet a parent who has more than one child tell me otherwise.

I am the youngest of two children. My sister, Renee, is three years my elder and is commonly referred to as “The Chosen One.” Growing up, she was treated differently. My aunt took her away on vacation to Europe more than once. Me? I got a trip to California. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m forever grateful to my Aunt Susan for taking me away – she didn’t have to do any of that. (So, if you’re reading this Aunt Susan Driver, I love you and thank you.)

I used to be so jealous of Renee, mainly because of the treatment she received. She could do no wrong, and I could catch a beating with the best of them. As time went on, I could understand why she was treated better. She deserved it. I learned that lesson as we grew up together, and ever since my father passed away, she has been every bit of the Queen she was labeled. As we’ve gotten older, and now that we have kids of our own, we’ve become closer. When we were younger, we would tell on each other…nowadays, we tell each other everything.

So this is where the question comes to mind, “Do you love one more?”

Technically, the answer is yes. You do love one more than the other, but not how you think. I have twin daughters. Daniella (Baby A) is the leader of the pack. She’s aggressive, outgoing, loves to play rough, and laughs constantly. She’s the Alpha Female.

Hailey (Baby B) is a love bug. She loves to sit and cuddle with me while we watch a movie. She loves physical contact. I find it funny how she finds a way to make contact with me if she’s laying anywhere near me and how she moves around until she feels me.

When it comes to giving out my affection, I’m careful to make sure there’s enough to go around. I love to play sports with Hailey. She has a natural talent for soccer, baseball and football. She will sit with me and cheer during the Yankees games, and cry during the Jets games. While watching the games, we’ll pretend to be the players and either throw the ball or tackle each other. It’s in that moment I realize there’s no other person in this world I would rather be sharing that particular moment with. I can’t wait to coach her in team sports. It’s a dream of mine to teach my kids the sports that I love, and pass on my father’s lessons to my own children.

I’m mechanically inclined by nature. I work with my hands repairing appliances and HVAC systems. I’m analytical – always looking for new ways to complete a project. I design systems, build them, and enjoy the fruit of my labors. In other words, I am Daniella’s father. There are times when I catch her building castles with blocks…and not just ordinary castles. She makes castles with towers and bridges. She also makes Lego dollhouses and then crumbles them to the ground. She loves to take my cell phone, open apps and deconstruct them. She’s inquisitive, she takes the lead in projects, and she doesn’t quit. Sorry kid…you’ve got my genes.

I love my daughters with all that God has given me in my heart. They are the reason I wake up smiling every day. I love seeing the world through their eyes, especially when they’re experiencing something that I grew up doing. Life comes full circle, and now is the time that I get to connect the two ends. While I love to do things with each of my girls, the love I have for them will never be divided. It’s just a different type of love for that particular moment.

So the truth is you will always love one kid differently. It’s not a question of more or less…it’s just different. Embrace the truth fellas, there’s nothing wrong with it.

My advice to you is to try to engage each child in a mutual comfort zone. If it works, and they both enjoy whatever it is you’re doing, congratulations. If not, then at least you got to spend valuable time with your kids, and isn’t that what life is all about?

P.S. I love you, sis.

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About the Author

is a father of twins and a devoted husband. He is the co-owner of Brothers-In-Law General Contractors, based in New Jersey. He's the chief contributor to "The Handyman's Guide to Saving the Universe", a recurring column for tips and advice on household appliance maintenance and repair on Dad Men Walking.

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